31 May 2005

The City That Would Best Suit Me

American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% Atlanta
60% San Diego
55% Boston
55% Honolulu
50% Miami

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

There's No Place Like Home

So, I clicked my heels three times and believed that I was there and within three hours of serenity from Baltimore to Newark, next stop New York Penn Station.

I called my mother at about 1:30am to let her know that I was on my way home when she said "Darrole, take a cab home. " Now I am not fond of taking cabs from one borough to the next but I thought it would be safer than traveling the train with bags. I kept looking at the meter $31.40, damn that was a martini. So I krept up the walkway to the building and called my mom on the phone. Within minutes I was in the Parkchester Apt. that I have come to know as home.

I was so eager to be in the city, and I would cherish every moment but I had to go to sleep.


Friday Morning:

I am making my way down to Fiorello H. LaGuardia H.S. to pay my Alumni Dues for my Reunion on June 11 -12 , 2005. I was so nostalgic as I rode the same train as I did when I was in High School. I felt gitty all of a sudden as if I was living a fantasy. I got off the train at 125th and Lexington. There who did I see? One of my classmates from elementary school. Damn, he was really tall and rugged looking, but he had always been that way. Actually, this man was partially responsible for my looking to men for consolation in the first. But I was glad to see him but I couldn't speak for a minute. I just couldn't believe that I was seeing someone that I haven't seen in 17 years. I mean it was funny. I finally spoke as we were getting off the train. He remembered me we talked for a minute and on to LaG it was.

LaG, the school that had given me a lot of my independence. Here I was to greet it once again. I felt all types of things as I walked in. I went to the Alumni office and paid my dues. Then I walked out looking for one of my teachers. I finally found him, so I sat in he classroom right next to him unknown to him. When he seen me he was plesantly pleased. I told him I was going to be in NYC for the weekend and where I was going to be singing on Sunday. I immediately made my way to Tavern on the Green for a 1:30pm lunch.

The last time that I attended Tavern on the Green I was a freshman in College coming back to sing for an affair for the Arthur Ashe Foundation. But here I found myself among my friends from Memphis, TN, and we were about to partake in a great dining experiance. I started off with a Ceasar salad, with Salmon Steak for an Entree and Chocolate Cake for dessert. I had been taking back by the taste of the Salmon. I was thoroughly blown away. It was a meal fit for a king and I was the recipient. Lunch lasted almost all afternoon until about 4. We retreated to the Westin Hotel in Times Square to see what else to do.

The TN folks needed to get some final trimmings for their tuxedos for Sunday so I took them to the fashion district and had them go to stores. Which, by the way, was the rest of my afternoon since I had to take them to every store that exisist.

I went to the Opera at my High School made me feel like I was a supportive alumni. The opera was great. It was something that was done while I was in school but I never attended because that was not something that I was into while I was in school. Well, the alumni director saw me and she started introducing me to faculty as the "95 graduate who never did a classical thing in school, who was now a classical countertenor." I was highly pissed. Even though I could see her point. There were reasons why I didn't do classical things. We were all taught the classical medium. I was top in my class for it. I was even invited into the class where the classical soloists were picked from. When I got in the class the teacher.Mrs. Ext, told the class that if we were in Gospel Chorus that we couldn't be in her class. I had a problem I was the director of that ensemble so I had to be in GC. Well, I had to leave solo voice and never had the chance to do it again because of my choice.

After the opera I went back to the Westin to look for my TN friends. I couldn't find the one that I was looking for so I made my way back to the Bronx.



Very easy. I went to Westin at about 4 and I seen a fraternity brother walking down the escalator. I never expected to meet a Sinfonian in midtown but I did.

I then waited for my brother to come from Brooklyn so that I could go to the movies. During my wait I found my TN friend and we went to the Villiage for Lunch. I was on my way to Tiffany's. When I seen cloudy windows and a sign that read "Space for Rent" I was blown away. Tiffany's had been the place that I came to love in NYC. Especially for my long Village nights. I digress. We walked to another place and got some food. I wasn't half as good but I guess it would have to do.

Waited for my brother to get to the city. I was taking one of my young TN ladies out. You know 18yo want everything... We went to the Hershey Store in Times Square. It started raining and so after we made our purchases to the hotel we ran. With my great mane of hair getting drenched.

My brother arrived and we made our way to the movie theater that I had no Idea was connected to the Hotel. We went to see Unleashed. Man that was a powerful movie with a powerful message. After we went to a quaint bar on 7th ave for some drinks. After four Cranberry and Grey Goose. I was on my way to Christopher street for some more nostalgia.

I was amazed to see how the young kids had taken over the Village. I guess they did like we used to do when I was younger. Try to hang out with the older crowd. I was tired but I was hanging with my brother it was 2am and time to go home. So I walked through NYU and made my way to Astor place took the train and home I went.

25 May 2005

Rejoice....and Again I say Rejoice

I didn't really have a lot of faith in myself and my Biology class this year. I mean I out right just didn't get to class on time. For you bloggers that understand 8am class, well that is the thought. I just really didn't want to be in the class at that time in the morning.

Ok. So I took all of her tests in the beginning of the semester and I got like 55's but she also gave extra credit, so it made those grades a 75 and 65. I was good at midterm I had a "C ." All was good, and I vowed that I would do better about attending the class at 8am. Look at your neighbor and ask "did he do better at making it to an 8am class." Well I can save you the trouble of asking, I just didn't. I mean during the second half of the semester I had made 2 trips one to Houston, TX and another to Richmond, VA. I was tired for two weeks straight.

So the third test comes up in the class and I miss it completely. I mean I didn't study for it so I missed it. So I asked her if I could make it up. She said I could. But I had to take an oral test at the end of the semester. You'd think that I had learned my lesson. Hell No. I even was late to test #4 and I didn't bring the proper extra credit with me so I knew that I was Fucked. (Ok please bloggers.com don't take my page away for one profane word)

Aiight so all in all I took both tests as a make up. It was the hardest freaking test that I had ever taken that I had not studied for. After I turned in my paper she told me that my final was on Wed. I came in on Wed. bright and early and she said " you know your final is not today right. You can take it now but it's on Friday at 12noon." I wanted to strangle her for telling me that after I had taken NoDoze to stay up long enough to go to class at 7:45am.

Ok, so I had three extra days to study. Do you think that is what I did? Hell No. Cause I decided that I was going to fail BIOLOGY 101 and that I was going to ace my French 102 final.
Aight, so here it is BIO final 12noon. Duration one hour, approximately 99 questions.

I was done. I didn't feel to hurt. But I damn sure knew I wasn't going to pass BIO. And if I did it would be with a graceful "D."

Aiight here is the Climax. Yesterday, Tuesday May 24, 2005 I looked at my grades and when I looked at the Bio Grade I was looking for a "F" or a "D" so where in the hell did the "C" come from. I immediately went dancing around the computer lab.

All I asked God was that he enabled me to pass my classes so that I could Graduate in MAY of 2006.

Blessing Granted.

So I am Rejoicing in the lord ALWAYS, and again I say REJOICE!!!!

23 May 2005

Tranquility @ 2:30am

Hey Yall,
I know I haven't been light hearted. I started off pretty p'd off with ole boy. Things are going well considering that I just lost the only hope of a relationship for the rest of my life.

On a lighter note.
I am talking to my son Rolex. He is one of the sons from the line that I had the privilege to be Dean for in Spring 2004 " The Comedic Odyssey of Orpheus". I love those boys with all of my heart. The love I have for my frat is real ya'll. After pledging for 9 weeks and serving in several leadership capacities, I have nothing but honor and admonishment for the whole.

Big Shout out to my boy Lil_t, that is the Ace of the "COoO", he went home to Philly. He really wanted to stay here but he couldn't. I feel bad Lil_t, I was trying to get you something, but I guess I failed. I wont do it again.

OK . So I have figured out that this blogging thing is no joke. I havn't had much to do since my last final, so I started the page to begin a journey from the Beginning of my last 18 credits to the End of my Last 6.

So I am starting to realize that this last year is going to be one of major lifts and dips. I don't wanna make it seem like I am unintelligent, but I started my journey to college degree in August of 1995. When I started Clinton was a President in his 1st term.

This is not a guilt trip. I repeat not a guilt trip.

I just want to say to anyone out there that reads this, " you will come to appreciate the goal when the struggle becomes a goal to live without." I haven't processed that yet, but I know that it will hold validity when I look at it later.

I have found out that the thing that has been holding me together for this ten years has been my faith. Without it, I would have fled from the scene when I had the chance. The tension has been high for years but as I stay pressed, I realize that my pain is allowing birth to my promise.

I would like to share with you a little something I learned about faith...


On the link above are two clips. One is from a sermon entitled "Great is thy Faithfulness" and the other is the song "Great is thy Faithfulness." The song is being sung by yours truly The DIVO. It has blessed my life for the past 10 years and I would love if you would share in my joy.

There is a back story to the faithfulness that I have recieved.

It's morning right now, and even this minute I feel blessed. I guess this is why I started this log to begin with. The emotion will flow, but the sentiments will be real. No, sugar coating. The DIVO beleives in Truth in Life and in Art.

Be Blessed ,

I came in Peace and in Peace I leave.

20 May 2005

Chapter 1, Page 4

He calls me a couple of days ago. His Message read like this.

Divo, answer the phone, I really need you to pick up the phone, DON'T CHALLANGE ME, pick up the phone. When you get this message call me back. Better yet, as soon as you get this message you are going to call me back.

I am not very good at taking threats due to former relationships. So I never ever need a man to tell me what I aught to do when he selectively didn't call me for two months. Now, I am suppose to jump when he says jump. Hell no, the DIVO is too damn dignified for that.
I immediately started playing the message to my frat bro's knowing that they would like what they heard. The general consensus was that he needed his arse whipped. I surely left him a message about an hour later. After listening to the greeting on his answering service that said "If you would be so KIND to leave your name.... (you get the point), I left a message saying,

Greetings and Good Evening, I will not be kind about anything, I don't know who CHALLENGED you but it surely wasn't me. So when you have changed your tone and come down to the earthly atmosphere don't hesitate to call. By the way I don't do threats. So you just call me when your schedule allows. We'll see what happens from there. CLICK!!!

Ok. So maybe I was a little to harsh. But who cares that n**a has been testing my nerve for some days and that really made me hit my boiling point. My frat bro's were very supportive. I don't always talk to them about my personal social life. It doesn't need to exist in my relationship with them. Yea, they know I am gay. I am the only real openly gay bruh in my chapter. But all in all they were ready to go to war for my cause. That is what brotherhood is all about.

He just called me on Wed. I was definately waiting on his call. When I answered the phone. I was very calm, cool and collected.

So wassup, you done with your attitude.
I guess that is all up to whether or not you have come back to reality.
Well you are the one that was challenging me. I have been trying to talk to you for the past couple of weeks and you have been brushing me off.
I told you that I was not always going to answer the phone I reserve that right. I mean I even called you and left you messages and you didn't return those expeditiously so what did you want me to do jump at your beck and call. You need to wake up and face reality.
So that is how it's gonna be. You wanna take it there, huh. Well, I see you like to play games.
Nah, the games are being played by you. FYI, I gave your number to my LB(line brother) that is a officer and he knows where you live so it's on record that you threatened me. Anymore where that came from and it's over.
*Tune Change* So why you have to go and do that? You think I would actually hurt you? That was not my intention. You shouldn't think that way of me. I just wanted to get your attention and let you know that I still cared for you.

So I will spare the full conversation but you generally understand that things weren't peachy. I was very distinct in what I was saying and he thought that I was putting on for my bruhs. I basically told him that he knew from the beginning that I was a strong personality. I say the truth. That was what he liked about me, but obviously not now.

He finally said "so you really want to end this". I replied "I have been trying to express that sentiment from day one when I called you after all those months. You finally got it."

He basically was like where do we go from here. I said "I don't mind you being a friend down the line but right now I need to regroup"

End of Chapter 1

19 May 2005

Chapter 1, Page 3

Ok. So I finally gave up on him calling until one day out of the blue I was working on another show I was producing and it was crunch time , an hour til the show, phone rings....

Hello?, Wassup?, How you been doing?
You Ok? Is everything fine with you? Can I see you?

Sure you can see me I have a show starting in about an hour if you come by the stage and tell them you are looking for me. They will let you back and I will talk to you after the show....

Aiight, so I am going to come. I will be there in like 2 hours.

Showtime: Ladies and Gentleman, Please welcome.......Thank you for coming good night.
No Him. Was I surprised? If you know me Hell No! If you just getting to know me the answer is still Hell No!

So another couple of weeks pass and I was a little concerned that maybe he lost his job or got evicted from his house cause his phone had been disconnected. So I make a ring to the posh job he has for the city.

Hello, Hey Boo Wassup? You know I have been missing you?
Really? How So?
I have been meaning to call you everyday, I just didn't know how to approach you.
I have been going through a lot of changes in my life and I didn't want to involve you in them. I hope you understand. But listen, I have to get back to work so I'll call you later.

Hey, I am really glad that you called me today, it showed me how much you cared. I just hope that I can make it up to you.
Well I just wanted to know if you were alive or dead. Whether you were homeless or jobless I just needed a goddamn reason for you not to call for two f*&king months. Now that I have called you, you are all non-chalant about being out of my life for so long. I have went through many changes without you.
Well, I didn't mean to make you mad and I deserve the bad attitude you have and I wish I could tell you all what went down but I can't.
So you don't trust someone that you want to be exclusive with, with your life alterating issues. Come on, I don't buy that. You are feeding me BS and you know I have dealt with it before and I wont, I repeat WON'T deal with it again.
Please watch out what you say to me. I can take your antic up until a breaking point and then I am going to be upset. (With a tone, like I ain't suppose to be mad.)
Ok, well since I might say something that might get you to your breaking point you can call me back later cause right now I am pissed. Please remember that I reserve the right not to answer the phone when you call.

About 4 Days.

Hello, Have you calmed down? Cause I aint bout to have you talk to me any ole kind of way.
Now let's just get together and try to work out our issues.
I will be more than happy to talk to you about your where abouts and your events of those two months that seem to have escaped your mind.
I was going through a lot of personal issues with lawyers and stuff. I had to be displaced for a minute. I had to move in with my mother I am so used to being the strong person in the relationship I couldn't provide for you what you needed at the time. I couldn't burden you with my issues.
I will say to that, that you know what I have been through in the last couple of years with heatlth failing issues, evictions and living place to place with no stability. I am more than capable of understanding, hell, I might even be able to coach you through some of it as a mate. But you didn't give me the chance to show you how much I believed in us. You simply told me in all but so many words that I was not worthy enough to see you in your downtime.
That hurts. I don't know how I can be with someone that doesn't value the power of relationship and the strength that comes from it.
I didn't know that you felt that way for me. I guess I am in the wrong. I guess one day I will be able to feel like I can fully tell you everything that went on. But right now I am just trying to get through it myself. But, I have to make a run, so will you please answer when I call this time.
My stance is still the same. I reserve the right to answer the phone when I want. I called you remember after 2 months of you not calling me. You owe that to me.

The Saga Continues....

Chapter 1, Page 2

Ok. So I can finally tell a story that I have been thinking about telling for a long time.
Imagine, if you will, recieving a phone call in early November and the caller says:

Hello, Can I speak to Divo.
This is Divo speaking.
Wassup Man, I haven't talked to you in a long time. I found your number and thought that I would call you.

Ok So the gist is that he called and came outta nowhere and I thought WOW! this may be good for me.
So, I vaugely recalled that his birthday was coming up and gently left a message for him and singing him a birthday serenade.
He calls me back and says he wants to meet. I, I agree.

Later that night while I am at a fraternity event he calls me to tell me his is on his way. I tell him that I might be a little inaccessible cause I was the emcee for the program. He was still excited about coming, so he made his way.

When he got there I felt like new Wrigleys' Gum being pulled out of a wrapper. Just spanking new and sweet. After the program we took a brief 3am retreat to the docks that overlook Baltimore. It was there that he asked me, Where do you see yourself in a year? I replied, I would love to be finished school and on my way to graduate school. I also added that I might want to find someone that will love me for me and all of my flaws and someone that I could grow with and that would not hinder my progress. He then exclaimed to me that he was interested in being that someone but would like to take it one week at a time. It was there that we started our courtship.

My past relationship with this man ended very mysteriously. I could not at the time recall why he and I were not in the relationship that we started. I wasn't going to take the chance to find out, I was going to go with the flow for once. GUARD UP.

It was getting close to Thanksgiving and I was on my way back to the Big Apple for a slice of pie. The damn bus terminal here is to far away from anyones house, let alone mine, so I asked him to come pick me up from the terminal at 12:30am. He told me that he would be there. In the past I would not rely on a man to come get me from anywhere, I'd rather get there on my own, you know feel like I didn't need them as much. It was 1am and to the worse of my feelings he wasn't there. Then emerged from the darkness of the street a car that I thought looked vaugely familiar. It was him a little later than I had told him but he was there. Whew, close call almost strike 1.

December came and there were many different concerts that I had to attend being that I am a singer and all. So I was to sing with this HS choir that my frat brother conducts. I had to be there at 7pm so I called up ole boy and asked him to pick me up at 6:15pm you know I was only remembering that he has a tendency to be late.

It was 6:45pm and there was no him. I rapidly called some of my LB's (line brothers) and told them to come get me. I actually seen his car as we were driving down the street but he was late and I had somewhere to be. STRIKE 1.

After a great debate on whether I should have stayed and been late or leave him upset, we agreed that he could not be late when I had something important to do because my livelyhood depended on my promptness. Everything from there on was cool. Christmas came and I was out of school for a week or two and we were acting like two newly weds on a honeymoon. New Years I had to leave him for the weekend. I wasn't able to kiss him when the clock struck twelve but we felt each other from where we were.

On my return back from Memphis for New Years, I asked him to pick me up from the Airport. Now, in the back of my mind I was too afraid as to whether I would be left there alone and wondering how to get back. Well to my surprise he was there on time and had a kiss waiting for me when I got there. That night we went to a party being held by my church choir director. That was our first public gathering alone as a couple and it felt good. After we ditched the party with carry out drinks in hand we made our way over to Mount Vernon Stable. Dinner was great and I was starting to think maybe everything would be good in a year.

After that weekend my schedule was once again filled with school and then I was given the oppourtunity to play a role in "Aint' Misbehavin - The Fats Waller Musical Show." It was being sponsored by my fraternity chapter but I was actually asked to be in it by the production company that was putting the show together. So I had a lot on my plate, but through it all me and him talked every night about nothing and somethings and more nothings. He knew that I was tired and weary every night but I stayed up talking to him doing the relationship thing. I even let him come late at night to take me on midnite rendezvous.

Winter semester would soon be ending ALL A's. The show was two weeks from opening and I was selling tickets. I asked him how many he wanted. He really didn't know how many he wanted he just knew that he wanted to come and support "his baby." Well, about the night before the 1st show I told him you are really going to need a ticket, which show are you coming to. He answered that he wanted to come to the second show cause we would have warmed up to the stage. I guess he thought he knew.

Lights up second show, fabulous crowd and just before intermission NO HIM. Lights up second show second act, fabulous crowd and during bows, NO HIM. I was somewhat furious because I knew that he really wanted to be there and there was just something wrong. But, I had to keep my face on and love the waiting public. As the waiting public was gathering around me, down the hall he came with a friend. I guess I wouldn't have minded the friend if he were more open and looking half way apologetic. I looked at ole boy and asked him where he was and he looked at me and said "I wont tell you here, I can't tell you now." My director was calling for a wrap-up and I had to return the costumes back to the trunks and I had to leave ole boy. I told him that I would be back. When I returned there was no him. My friends said that he had returned to the hospital with his cousin. That was all I knew for that night. In Fact, that is all I was ever told.

Next day, day before Valentine's day the highlight of a couples year. I was still very upset about his not attending my show but I figured "hey accidents do happen." I was very swift to a reconciliation so I decided to go to OLIVE GARDEN for a Sunday dinner. It was there that we had conversation about his job and the things he wanted out of life. I taking cue from his job description took a point to tell him about a situation that I was dealing with. A former fling that was trying to nail me for his health status. I knew it wasn't me but I wanted ole boy to be in the know. He instantly got upset about me being with someone before him. Thinking that I was lying about my celebicy of 1 year. Dinner was over and we seemed to be fine. I payed the $60.00 bill and we went home. We agreed that for the next day(Valentine's Day) we would meet at 6pm to do dinner and go out.

Valentine's Day, I was all around town trying to make it a perfect day by purchasing little trinkets and lil' gifts. You know wanna keep ole boy on notice. Well, after my last Monday class. I grabbed all the stuff I purchased for him and took it home. I had and hour to get ready. While walking home I got a call, it was ole boy calling to say that he would be late by an hour. I was like ok. I went home taking my time to get ready pulling out the fine duds and getting in a hot shower and using the last of my MAMBO cologne. I was fully dressed it had been two hours and I was ready for him to get there. He calls, "I will be there at 9pm." Ok. So now I have to figure out what to do with my nerves for the next hour. I didn't want to eat cause we were going to a fine Italian restaurant just a step higher than OLIVE GARDEN. It was 9:45 there was no him. I had nothing to eat that night. I just waited for him to call. Stupid me. STRIKE 2.

He called me three, count them 1- 2 -3 days later. As if nothing had occured. He told me that he had to put some more work in at that job. I was fully upset and he wasn't listening to my reasoning or listening to my out pour of built up emotion. He just told me he would call me as soon as he could. I waited. Three, yeah go on and count them 1 - 2 - 3 more days later he called me and told me that he had to see me. I looked forward to it cause I was ready to be heard. I sat in his car and the first thing that he said to me was, "I am so happy to see you. I am glad that you understand my job and what I do." I quickly retorted, "I don't know where you get off not calling me for intervals of three days but that is not job related." Obviously he was not happy with that tone so he just said "Come on, give me a kiss and a hug that is no way to talk to someone that you haven't seen in a couple of days." We continued talking and I was telling him that I didn't think that he respected my feelings, and that I could not trust him. He came back at me telling me that he felt the same way since I told him about the dude that was trying to implicate me in his health scandal. So, I guess it was a really weird time in the car. I was determined to talk to him till he said that he had to go to get his aunt from work. (This was something that he often did late at night, that he would always get off the phone with me for. He was usually suppose to call me back after he took her home but it very rarely happend.) "I am going with you, I wanna meet this aunt." He let me ride along with him. All I know is that I waited in front of the damn building for about 2 hours with him running in and out. Finally, when I got home I felt like I knew why there was a problem, but I still had my suspicions.

We hadn't talked for 2 months after that situation. I guess we could have a couple of times. But all I knew was that he was having issues at home. I talked to him one morning and didn't talk to him again for two months.

This is the back story. The Current Events are to come.

18 May 2005

Chapter 1

He's Outta My Life!!!

I can tell you right now that even if he calls and tells me that he is leaving his job turning over a new leaf and seriously ready to treat me like the man I am, He is Gone ... The Back Story will come later but right now... He's Outta My Life.

Chapter 1

I need all the words to MJ's He's outta my life. Cause that is what I am feeling. There is a back story and I will get to it soon but just be aware that from now on it will be hell for anyone that tries to entangle the DIVO...
Free Website Counter
Web Counter