17 March 2006

Blast From The Past

In the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to get some old friends to see what is going on new in my life. I guess it seems to have worked a little too much to my advantage.

See, about 8 years ago, when I was younger and less experienced in the cyber world, I met a young man who I will call Jigga. We courted by way of telephone for almost about a year, and I just knew that he would be the one for me, or so I thought at the time.

As an inexperienced person, I believed that anyone you spend enough of your time with can possibly be a lover. Well, as the year went on there were some family issues with him, due to his age and him being somewhat to four years younger than me. I didn't take issue with this, but obviously the statutory laws would have.

Jigga and I, never quite as met, I always knew that he was someone that I connected with, and knew that if our paths had crossed in another life that we would surely be together.

Isn't the destiny of two people wonderful? While sending those emails last week, I sent it to all the people on my email list from about 10 years ago. Just think, I actually had the same e-mail address for 10 years. As I was sending it, I was noticing some names that I expected to come back undeliverable.

For one person, this was not the case. The email was answered with "Divo, where have you been all this time, call me!" I immediately went crazy at the thought of the gorgeous sixteen year old that I had come to hold so dear to my heart. He would be older now, wiser and without familial issues. But, I anticipated that he would have so much to say to me that wouldn't be positive.

As I picked up the phone to call him, my body pensive, my heart beating mile a minute, and my mind couldn't imagine what the first words out of my mouth would be.

When he picked up, his hello was like business as usual, and I felt like I did then, just as enveloped into his presence as I could be.

Today, we have taken a chance to realize that we are what we want out of life. There is so much freedom in talking to him, he is attractive, his career goals are substatial and match mines, we are in the same league, for lack of a better term, and I am so comfortable with thinking again, that he might be the one.

I think back to how I was going to give up on this dating thing, and I was thrown an artic blast from my past to remind me that he was always mine, and I never ever had to look farther than my own grasp.

Happy Birthday Jigga,
Here's to many more birthdays shared, kisses and hugs given , and conversations way past midnite.

12 March 2006


If they could see me now,
That little gang of mine,
I'm eating fancy chow
And drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract.
All I can say is "Wow-ee!
Looka where I am.
Tonight I landed, pow!
Right in a pot of jam.
What a set up! Holy cow!
They'd never believe it,
If my friends could see me now

This song from the musical "Sweet Charity" kinda sums up what I have been feeling in the last couple of months, with the new life experience thing going on, and all I can say is, "It's good to be me."

In taking journal of the last couple of months leading to my graduation, I thought that I would have a boring stay of events. Instead, I have been given many opportunities, some that have been afforded because of my diligence to speak declaratively to those things that I believe should be mine.

When I started this Web-journal, I was barely understanding how to get by on what I was receiving monthly from Uncle Sam. Today, I not only have one account, but count them 2, 3... accounts in different host banks/credit unions.

I can definitely bring it back to my audio file, everything that I have needed to survive, the hands of the Lord, has provided, and his "Faithfulness" is Great!

Now, back to those friends of mine. Doing this show and having an extended absence from the people that I call friends at school and the city in which I live is taking a weird toll on me. Granted, I have a weird schedule, and my school friends have just as hectic a schedule as I. I never imagined that as I climb the ladder of success that the support of my comrades would turn into disdain. See, they all seem to think that because my pocket has gotten a little heavier, that I am unapproachable and sometimes even forgetful of them, which is quite the opposite.
I call folks every day to tell them the weird things that are happening in my life that are personal to me, and have nothing to do with the show, and all of a sudden I am given a cavalier response as if nothing I say matter, but when they want to text message me every five minutes with stupidity I have to be more responsive.

Who am I, I can answer to you what I am not: I am not a pompous celebrity that needs a reason to shove my success in my friends faces, I am not a heartless entertainer that is only out for self gratification, I am not a brother that is unfaithful to his collegiate career, I am not happy with feeling uncomfortable in the presence of my friends.

Where am I, I can say that I am a brother, who by his trials and tribulations and faith in God, have pulled up from the muck and mire and chose life as a pattern for my year. I set out to excel so that I can lift those that are beside me, because we are all equal in Gods sight. I am one that is eager to please myself by tapping into the power source of friendship and share my wealth unwaveringly to my family and friends.

If I were told that "This it is to be a man of the highest type" a quote from my fraternity founder, than as I do my job, wouldn't people endeavor to reach higher, and deeper within themselves to know that I am the same me.

Yes, before I left for this appointment, I was siddity, and nothing was said then. Before I left I was articulate, and picky. I have not changed, why is it that when someone adds some zeroes or a couple of letters behind their name folks in their life change their tune.

Who am I, I am a unique individual capable of rising to the top and not forgetting from where I came.

Where am I, securely climbing to success but I cannot make it with folks putting me there unjustly with malice and false accusations of my character. I am a man in transition, I welcome change, but I will not welcome the attitude of the advisary in my life. I speak him/her/them/it, powerless.

Who am I anyway
Am I my resume
that is a picture
of a person I don't know

What do they want from me
What should I try to be
So many faces all around
and here I go...
I need this job,
thank god I'm in this show...
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