08 August 2006


Am I really Desperate?

I meet people all the time, very suitable people that I could date or just know as friends. In this time and age I don’t really need more friends than I need someone that will personally love me the way that I think I deserve. When I think of friendship, I believe in feeling with people without excuse. I have learned recently that I cannot afford that type of feeling with all people. Duh! I mean all folks aren’t going to be as receptive to someone being fully capable to express themselves. I mean sometimes, I may feel like kissing a person because of their beauty, or just hold someone because I feel safe around them. What is funny is that usually I have brothers or sisters that are very comfortable with me being myself, even if the relationship is new. What is also usually the case is that these folks have no interest in becoming a lover to me. It’s just that they know that there are feelings that need to be released, not necessarily a sexual encounter.

Recently, I did some acts in a club that brought me to believe that I could actually have fun. I was dancing with a beautiful specimen of brotha’ that was fully capable of keeping up with my risqué style of dance. It seemed to be quite intimate. I got a little close, but I thought that he was going along with me. At no time that evening did I think that he was unhappy with the events that were taking place. So, I need to remind you that this was a new relationship, or a first time encounter with this dude. We had some issues that evening that halted the progress of the evening. At no time did I believe that he would take me home and show me the business. I just knew that I had a great time.

Next day there was no hearing from said gentleman. I text him and he sent me a message that basically said that he was very upset with my treatment of him, and that he didn’t want to have a 4 week fling. He thought that I wanted to have a fling relationship while I was visiting a foreign country. What is sad, is that world wide, folks won’t go forth with something because of their apprehensions. I have been taught to let go of some of my apprehensions because I have a tendency to hold back. Here I show my real feelings and I am being ostracized for showing my real feelings.

Am I really desperate? Am I really so stuck on being loved that I resort to all kinds of ridicule in my exhibition of fun, and free spiritedness?

There is so much that I have to offer to someone, how can I know who that someone is without exhibiting some of me? I can’t believe that I am ridiculed from time to time. It makes me upset that I seem to be so desperate, but all I am really trying to do is experience life.
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