30 July 2006

I Learned something about me today

3 things that motivate my actions:
Personal Attention

Material items I value more than others:

With three months to live and good health I would, continue my career goals, writing and singing. Probably would produce a show or 2.

I like being he center of attention while doing something I know will make me shine. Things like talking in a large group may make me a little embarrassed of saying the wrong thing.

When I die I would like to have it said that I was a man that loved all without condition, I found good in all people, my talent was not the pinnacle of my existence!

My fear is that I will die without exhibiting love and admiration for one person. That many would have said I've loved them and they me. But it would be too many people and not one central person. I don't want promiscuous drama!

I get joy from making people happy, helping others to their success.

I am angered by people that walk with an unrealistic facade. Their life isn't even a fraction of their walk, it brings people around them down.

My personal strengths are my ability to be introspective, to look for the best in others, my confidence in my talent.

I define love as the public and private act of respect and commitment to friends and family.

I expect love given to me to be in the form of deeds, surprises. Things that are done with my extreme reaction in mind, even if my reaction is bad, the thought and intent was that I emote a certain reaction!

My view of sex is that it's a communion of the spirit and soul that join between two consenting individuals. Once a consummation of sex happens in a relationship, that means that there is a spiritual transference between body and mind those two are enjoined spiritually if not mentally.

Frustration, Stress, Jealousy... I would have to say that I deal with these things as emotions that happen in the line of work and the life style I live in.
I pray and reflect and meditate on my reasons for these feelings... Using my introspection.

I am relationship material because I can appreciate the gifts of another person and am willing to share my gifts and create gifts between me and he.

When someone hurts or disrespect me I totally shut down. I recluse from society as I know it and I only confide in my support systems!

Can I truly forgive someone that has wronged me. I say that I can, I have the ability to pray and get it over with. I can move on, yet that doesn't mean that
I am ready to go right back to the way it was prior to being wronged.

Do I settle things with my hands or with conversation? I would rather settle things by talking.

I bring to a relationship experience of love. Meaning I know how to do it and I can pin point my wrongs. I bring the enjoyment of sharing, and also know when to be alone and leave alone.

I expect a mate to bring to me a calm and serene environment. I as a performer would like to keep my work and the drama of it on the stage! I need a brother that understands personal space, one that can cater and expect to be catered to.

Granted that I am a performer, I would like my lifestyle and sexuality to be on a need to know basis. I am already artistic enough so, I am comfortable with it being known, I just don't want to be judged by it.

I am a family oriented person. In some aspects I create family units to be loyal to sometimes my own family seems to lose sight of family values.

How selfish am I, lets just say I am determined to have my way when it applies to other people. But, I usually don't demand a lot of myself. I am usually catering others!

When it comes to money and material possessions I know that I have it, and I make it. I value how its spent an the things that I buy or investments that I make have got to last for me.

Daily I live to give the best of me and only receive the best from others...

27 July 2006


I felt my chest poingnent with pain
as I rushed up the stairs to map out my fame
I couldn't feel my heart beat
I screamed my brothers name

Just a moment late I didn't feel that bad
so I walked to the campus doctor
just to see what I might have

When I got there it was as if all the wind
had been knocked from my chest

Then I digressed as the words that
came from the Dr.'s Mouth rang heavy in my chest.

You must go to the hospital now,
or you wont have long to live.

I check in at the hospital desk
I still have sporatic pain in my chest
I fill out papers, and cry out my eyes.
My Line brother seen all my pain inside.

I waited, I waited 7 Hours
did I say I cried.

Finally the Dr. came with a report

Pnuemonia it is....

Darkness fell across my face
as I started to envision my fate
I headed for a hospital bed
It had already been late

Bright and early I asked the Dr.
"How long do I have to Stay"
He said I don't know,
we are preparing you for xray.

I thought to myself what could the problem be
when later on that day what he said made my ears bleed.

The condition you suffer
is no usual attact
Your viral load is rocketing
and your t-cells are at lack
see the pnemonia is in both lungs
your health is bad off track

I am sulken in a daze
I can't think straight
I am always awake

Friends come
Friends go
People whisper
family bickers

July 28, 2003

I almost died today!!!
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