08 August 2006

AM I REALLY DESPERATE???

Am I really Desperate?

I meet people all the time, very suitable people that I could date or just know as friends. In this time and age I don’t really need more friends than I need someone that will personally love me the way that I think I deserve. When I think of friendship, I believe in feeling with people without excuse. I have learned recently that I cannot afford that type of feeling with all people. Duh! I mean all folks aren’t going to be as receptive to someone being fully capable to express themselves. I mean sometimes, I may feel like kissing a person because of their beauty, or just hold someone because I feel safe around them. What is funny is that usually I have brothers or sisters that are very comfortable with me being myself, even if the relationship is new. What is also usually the case is that these folks have no interest in becoming a lover to me. It’s just that they know that there are feelings that need to be released, not necessarily a sexual encounter.

Recently, I did some acts in a club that brought me to believe that I could actually have fun. I was dancing with a beautiful specimen of brotha’ that was fully capable of keeping up with my risqué style of dance. It seemed to be quite intimate. I got a little close, but I thought that he was going along with me. At no time that evening did I think that he was unhappy with the events that were taking place. So, I need to remind you that this was a new relationship, or a first time encounter with this dude. We had some issues that evening that halted the progress of the evening. At no time did I believe that he would take me home and show me the business. I just knew that I had a great time.

Next day there was no hearing from said gentleman. I text him and he sent me a message that basically said that he was very upset with my treatment of him, and that he didn’t want to have a 4 week fling. He thought that I wanted to have a fling relationship while I was visiting a foreign country. What is sad, is that world wide, folks won’t go forth with something because of their apprehensions. I have been taught to let go of some of my apprehensions because I have a tendency to hold back. Here I show my real feelings and I am being ostracized for showing my real feelings.

Am I really desperate? Am I really so stuck on being loved that I resort to all kinds of ridicule in my exhibition of fun, and free spiritedness?

There is so much that I have to offer to someone, how can I know who that someone is without exhibiting some of me? I can’t believe that I am ridiculed from time to time. It makes me upset that I seem to be so desperate, but all I am really trying to do is experience life.

3 Comments:

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8:24 PM  
Blogger Bernie said...

Hi, I read your blog but only occasionally comment. But I've wanted to comment on this one for awhile.

I think three things are going on here. First, how you conduct yourself in public spaces; two, how others perceive that, and three, how you react to how you are perceived.

If you are open and outgoing and genuinely being yourself in public, I see no reason to change. So long as you are not deliberately hurting or misleading anyone about your intentions, that is just you being you.

But recognize that not everyone will feel comfortable with that, and that is their right too. You are just two different people. Others may perceive your "openness" as flirtation. If that's not what they want, they will feel put off. If that is not what you intended, then you were misread.

How you respond should not be based on a misinterpretation of their reactions, but should ideally be done with clarity. If someone thought you were coming onto them when you weren't you both need to get clarity, even if there is no further interaction. There is no reason for you to have self-doubt or hurt feelings because you think they think you were out for a fling and are somehow desperate for attention and affection.

Let your light shine and someone will eventually see the glow.

(And put a verification check on your comment field to block the spam!)

4:06 PM  
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