18 August 2005

A Blues For Divo

Well, I have done it.
I have told all the people that I remotely have feelings for that I do.
The one that actually holds my heart and I had a long early breakfast, late dinner till four a.m.

I never knew that I could tell him how I felt, basically because I didn't know how he would react. See, I was always under the impression from him that he was a heterosexual male. I never thought that as I told him about my vision of him and me, that he would reveal himself to me, only for me to be rejected.

What makes the story good is that I can live free of stress cause I can't talk to him about it. The bad part about it is that it feeds my continuous and deep abiding faith in the fact that I can never be loved the way I want or deserved by a physical person ever again.

We love each other without delay, but, he holds me in a regard that I cannot change. We are too close in one arena to be closer in the other.

Why the hell did I consent to living a life without sex? Why did I consent to being present in my thinking and letting folks know how I felt about them?

What may be funny to some people reading this, is that they think I am talking about Simply Flawless, but I am not. I have never talked about my true real life mental and physical attraction to this other person. I will give him a name for this blogging purpose, although he doesn't read my blog, people that know him do, and I have to protect him. I will call him Innocent Love.

Innocent Love is my world, and I love him dearly. I will always love him, which is how we left it yesterday. If anyone wants to get with Innocent Love, you have to go through me, and he agrees. Since, I am the first person to love him completely; those are his words not mine.

He has never heard the words that I have said to him. Makes me feel glad that I have said them, but I am upset that he won’t allow that to open his heart more. He knows and always has, that I see things in him that others don't look for. I will be watching him like a lion watches his cubs. He is my sweetie.

If you read this IL, you know I love you, and remember that pain is temporary when you really love someone. I got your back baby, never forget it.

4 Comments:

Blogger Essequibo said...

Aint nuthin wrong with love after all...no matter if you're the only one giving it; how courageous.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Frank León Roberts said...

where u been!?

11:45 PM  
Blogger Stone said...

Where the Hellz are you. thinking about you. hurry back

7:29 PM  
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11:29 PM  

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