21 November 2005

Explanation of "It's So hard to say goodbye"

I have come to realize that I am not meant to have a man of my own. So, I did the next best thing, I decided to chill with brothers who I love being around and being apart of their lives in a major way. We, sharing so much of each other would be able to build a relationship that would compensate for the relationship that I do not think I will ever have or deserve.

We serve as each others support net. We are each others strength, financial support, kiss on the cheek, hug in the morning. I mean we are each others everything.

It changes when what you have built, turns into the one thing that you fear. An actual relationship based on truth, honesty, and trust.

In these relationships, the door has always been open for someone to scoop anyone of us from what we call our sacred comfort zone.


Well, the time has come. I have to learn that the possibility of me being in a happy relationship will not come. That I will only have the thought of being with others until they find what they cannot get from me, somewhere else.

I will never understand what about me scares brothers so much. I think it may be that I am a conqueror and that I make no excuses for the faults of my past. I simply chalk them up to my being young and frivolous.

I am once again allowing someone, of whom I care very deeply, to explore their own sexuality away from our inner arrangement. He, needs someone else to validate what I have been saying all along. Oh, and I am not the correct ethnicity, so I never really had a chance. I asked him if he ever thought I could make him happy. He said that he had never really wanted to answer that question, because he would be afraid of the answer that he would give.

This pinch in my day is temporary. It is hard to give away someone that you have invested a lot of time and energy. I will still be here for moral support. I mean where can I go? I am merely a stepping stone to something real.

Real-lationships are not for me. I am a footstool for the real lovers.


I am fully capable of knowing that this post seems to put me in a place of denial of depression. But, I am not depressed. I just know my limitations in life. I know that I have a lot to offer someone that has walked the same road as I and is ready to explore with me a horizon that I have yet to trod.

I give my baby away freely. But I know that who he is going to is not as good as me. I will have my eye out like a hawk.

Don't pity me, I am ok...

Ashe'

4 Comments:

Blogger No4real4real said...

Pitty party - please!

Divo get over yourself. Seriously!!! A problem ego is not just the concern of the self-centered.

You need to step your game up and roll in actuals. I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone. By no means am I suggesting that you settle. I just know that what you speak is what you get. Too many of my friends go through life in a pessimistic mindset believing that everything is foul in an effort to be prepared for the worst. That is such a miserable existence. Expect and want more for yourself, especially when it comes to a significant other. You will get through life so much better if you talk in the affirmative. Trust me.

You really need to chill on the footstool reference too. If that is your belief a possible partner won’t the only one stepping on you. If any thing like that happens or has happened you need to check it immediately. Once you allow it happen they will do it again. Yo you are grown ass man. Take a stand and only expect the best from others. Very often people say that is easy for me to say. And they are right. They are right because I have come far to learn and love myself. I rightfully earned my self-worth that process. Since I know me, love me, and do me I demand nothing but respect from others since that is what I always offer them. You Divo should do the same!

Good luck from this point on. If you don’t take anything from this at least remember to talk in the affirmative. Positivism is infectious.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Bernie said...

I have to agree with no4real.

Right now you are feeling pain. That's understandable. It will take time to get through that pain. But that shouldn't and mustn't stop you from loving you and projecting all the good you have to offer so that others can see it.

You are too young and have too much life ahead of you to buy into the notion that there is no one out there. Take time to heal, then let your light shine. Someone will notice.

11:26 AM  
Blogger fratman1906 said...

Divo, I am not going to beat a dead horse to death. No4real4real is on point on this one, so no need to repeat him. You are no one's footstool and you will need to be on the look out for the right person who will complete you and make you #1 4ever. Don't settle for less than that and don't quit the game. I am much older, haven't found the right person for me, but I haven't given up, so you got a ways to go. You have done right by using your support network. Don't waste a whole lot of time sizing up potential partners. Instead, follow you dream for yourself and then see who is running beside you. You may be surprised to learn that someone close to you that you have never looked at as a partner is in fact more ideally suited for you than you ever imagined. Love grows not because we want it to or plan for it, but rather because it is a natural extension of the things we do in tandem with other people on the same path. Shem hotep.

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice site! »

12:37 PM  

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